


I Create You

by Kira_Dattei



Series: Developing Relationship Kinktober 2018 [18]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: AO3 FB Challenge, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Shepard Pines for Kaidan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 02:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Dattei/pseuds/Kira_Dattei
Summary: It's not as easy as Shepard thought it would be to have Kaidan back on the Normandy. He still cares, still wants.





	I Create You

**Author's Note:**

> Here's Day 18 of my Kinktober. Didn't mean for this to start as a pre-relationship, but that's what it ended up as so here it is. I actually like these works that have been pre-relationship. It's been a fun difference in their interactions.

Shepard passed through the security check, the computer confirming his Spectre status, and he turned left toward the terminals. He pulled up his omnitool as he approached, looking for the file of requisition forms Cortez and Kaidan had put together a few days ago that he’d forgotten to flag so it was easier to find.

Things tended to get lost in his Inbox quickly if he didn’t sort them. He’d been distracted when he’d received it, so he’d missed that step this time around and he muttered a few cuss words while hoping he'd never make that mistake again.

He found it and pulled it up, reading through what he needed before turning his attention to the terminal and going to work searching through the available items for requisition.

As he worked, he recognized how happy he was to have Kaidan back on-board. The organization of the forms matched up to how they were sorted on the terminal. That meant Kaidan had to have told Cortez how the Spectre terminal was laid out so he could reorganize the requisition forms to match. It made it quite a bit easier on Shepard to get everything and not miss any items.

It wasn’t something Shepard thought to do. Though he knew some of that came down to not really remembering the order enough to tell Cortez the right thing. He looked at too many different requisition terminals to keep them all straight and his memory for this sort of thing wasn’t so good. It was just another of the more superfluous things he dealt with so he didn’t hold onto it like he did other details much more important to the war efforts.

And Kaidan didn’t have a photographic memory, but times like this were why Shepard thought it was probably close.

Finishing up in half the time it had taken him the last few times he’d come through here for supplies, he turned to leave, but stopped when he caught sight of who was using the shooting range: Kaidan.

Despite just acknowledging details that Kaidan only had because he was a Spectre, Shepard still had the momentary confusion as to why Kaidan was in here, how he gained access. He was still getting used to the idea of Kaidan being a Spectre, of him holding the same position that only Shepard had earned before him as a human.

Kaidan was practicing with one of the new heavy pistols they’d acquired. There were parts spread out across the table to his right so it was likely he was finding the mod set-up he liked, looking to make this a regular weapon to carry. It was a smaller model and Kaidan had always gravitated toward those, claiming they were easier to switch between and didn’t get in the way of biotics as much.

Just one of those things that Shepard didn’t have to worry about for himself, only be aware of being an issue with his crew. Kaidan had a few of those he brought with him back to the Normandy.

Shepard turned and leaned his back against the table holding the terminals and watched Kaidan fire off a few thermal clips worth of rounds. And, from what he could see from here, Kaidan’s shooting had improved, his grouping much better than it had been the last time Shepard had seen him shoot.

Combat was different.

What he saw now was pretty impressive improvement.

Kaidan was switching out a part and Shepard took the chance to just look at the man, feeling more than a little intrusive since he was sure he was indulging a desire he’d never gotten over. He’d been careful about how much he looked since he'd met back up with Kaidan on Earth and circumstances had allowed them to share company again, knowing he didn’t have the right anymore.

It was hard, though, especially since they were back on good terms. Talking with Kaidan with ease again was like a punch in the face of what had attracted him to the biotic in the first place. And how Kaidan had changed and grown over the time they’d been separated had only seemed to amplify those traits.

Things like his integrity, his sense of responsibility and accountability, his caring nature, his capability in so much of what he did, his calm demeanor that took so much to rattle, and just so many other little things that made him more appealing to John that anyone he had ever been with. Add in that he was attractive as hell, was better built now than a few years ago – looking very much the marine he was – and the slight indicators of being a few years older now only seemed to enhance what had made him one Shepard’s favorite people to look at.

He shook off the sudden rise in desire as his eyes traveled down the line of Kaidan’s back to the swell of his ass, his memory instantly supplying proof of how well he remembered how Kaidan felt against him.

“Shit!” he growled. _This_ was what he was having the most difficulty with: his attraction to Kaidan as a person connecting so quickly to his attraction to Kaidan’s body.

It really didn’t help that Kaidan had been the last person he’d had sex with and even he knew that was referring to what had happened between them very lightly. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he hadn’t already slept with the man, if he didn’t already have a frame of reference for how much he liked sleeping with Kaidan.

This wasn’t helping. He wasn’t curbing his thoughts at all and he had to work with the guy after this like he wasn’t struggling to keep it in his pants.

He needed a reminder of the man he was attracted to and not the body.

Luckily, he knew that all Kaidan had to do to help that was be himself and Shepard would make all the right connections by just spending some time in his company.

So, he pushed off the table and made his way into the shooting range, not sure if Kaidan would hear him enter through the ear plugs required to be worn while shooting. He rounded the divider between areas that Kaidan was set up behind and the biotic looked up to him as soon as he came into view. There was a second of surprise before Kaidan’s expression relaxed and he gave Shepard a warm smile.

Not helping the whole distraction from lust Shepard was going for.

He acknowledged that it was likely a strategic error to spend time with Kaidan when he was looking for a distraction from _Kaidan_. If he really wanted to be distracted, to not be aware of his lust, he’d go talk to Garrus or Vega. It was likely this was him grasping at whatever he was allowed to do.

Because he wanted to talk to Kaidan even as much as he wanted Kaidan. After all, his attraction to Kaidan had begun with their talks and it was still as appealing now to have that connection with the biotic.

“Hey, Shepard. Taking care of all the requisition forms?” Kaidan asked as he set his weapon down and turned his full attention to Shepard like he always did.

“Yeah, nearly done. Thanks for giving Cortez a hand with those: it helped,” he said with a smile of his own as he stepped a bit closer to look at what Kaidan had to work with.

“No problem. After all, I’m using those supplies too so it’s not completely altruistic," he said and Shepard had to laugh. “He asked me for help with it considering my background on the SR-1. I think he wasn’t sure how to handle managing all your sources and other species to keep track of.”

“We aren’t as bad this time around.”

“Yeah, so far only a turian and an asari to think about. I’m not betting on that keeping with your record, though. You have this habit of taking in whoever impresses you.” He tilted his head back a bit. “Which I’m just assuming I fit the bill of at the same point.”

Shepard smirked at Kaidan having set himself up for that one: he may have been assigned to the SR-1 but Shepard had asked him this time around.

“Oh, more than once. You are one impressive guy.” Kaidan crossed his arms and leaned back against the table, embarrassed. At least some things hadn’t changed. “I was watching your shooting. Your average is higher than it used to be, isn’t it? Even just testing out a pistol, your accuracy is on point.”

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder to the target, Shepard taking a look as well now that he was closer and could see that the grouping really was pretty impressive.

“I’ve been almost exclusively using heavy pistols and assault rifles for the past year. Being Spec Ops, I’m required to put in a minimum of fourteen hours of shooting practice a month. That on top of overseeing the training of my students means I have a lot more time to get it right than ever, even more than in basic when I had to score well.”

“As I said, impressive guy. Do me a favor and challenge Garrus. He needs to be taken down a peg concerning his aim with pistols. No one’s got him with a sniper rifle, but the smaller weapons really aren’t his forte.”

“I’ll think about it. For some reason I’m not in a hurry to challenge Garrus to anything. What if he actually scored better than me? _Hackett_ would hear about it for his bragging.”

Shepard stepped over to Kaidan, leaning against the table next to him and nudging his elbow into Kaidan’s arm. “Come on, have a little more faith in yourself. You make better shots in combat.”

“I’m not sure if I should be blaming the Marine part of me or the BAaT trained biotic. Both make for not getting ahead of myself. I’ll be confident in accomplishments, not possibilities.”

“You know, here would be a good time for you to discover some optimism,” Shepard groused.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him. “Not my style. Optimism is more your thing. You get too much of that sort of thing in the same crew and things really get crazy, and not in a good or productive manner.”

“Product of your upbringing, huh?” he shot back good-naturedly.

“Less than you’d think. I’ve been a Marine longer than anything else in my life.”

“I guess the Alliance has a way of worming its way into every part of you, huh?” Shepard spoke how he felt. Despite the events with the Collectors and how the Alliance had handled the Reapers, he did want to remain an Alliance solder and Kaidan was even more loyal to them. “Makes you wonder what we’d be like without it. How would we be different from what the Alliance made us?”

Kaidan looked back down the range, his expression serious and distracted. “I don’t know. I don’t think it would be anything too interesting, though. I wasn’t in a good place then but I was looking for something to replace BAaT in my mind. Not many things would have offered that like I needed. And BAaT had already given me plenty of experience in things to avoid as a biotic, human or not.”

Shepard figured Kaidan would have done something to avoid his biotics; hell, he’d avoided his biotics as a soldier to some degree. It had taken quite a few missions for Shepard to even get a vague idea of what Kaidan was biotically capable of because of how he held back.

Was there any other job Kaidan could have found that would allow him to become who he was today? Maybe.

If Shepard met and got to know Kaidan without the Alliance, would he still have felt the same pull to him as he had? Even if he himself hadn’t gone through the Alliance and changed from the street punk he’d grown up as.

He liked to think so. He liked to think with as much as he liked about Kaidan, he would have found all that no matter what led them to meet.

“I think you would have found something,” he declared. Kaidan looking over to him. “You have a knack for making things work out for yourself, Spectre Alenko.”

He stopped fighting the urge and reached out to place his hand on Kaidan’s jaw, taking a quick caress of the clean-shaven face and then down his neck over his pulse before letting his hand drop back down.

Kaidan was as warm as he remembered and he wanted more. He wanted to _feel_ , not remember.

For his part, Kaidan just continued to watch him, seeming to be deep in thought. At least he wasn’t looking like he was about to take Shepard’s hand off for that, so Shepard counted that a win.

“So, should we just be grateful we went through with the Alliance and save ourselves the trouble of ‘what ifs’?” Kaidan asked after a bit of silence.

“Might be best. You get caught up on things enough as it is,” Shepard went for joking.

Kaidan stood up straight and turned back toward the table, picking up where he left off on switching out the mod. “Only if it’s worth the time. I’m happy with what the Alliance made me, so it’s pretty easy to dismiss any other possibility.”

“I like what the Alliance made you, too,” he admitted. He needed to stop holding himself back from expressing what he thought of Kaidan. He hadn’t held things like that back when they were on the SR-1 so he shouldn’t now.

He was pretty sure he saw Kaidan’s cheeks flush, but then Kaidan was holding the pistol out to him, grip toward him.

“Fire off a few rounds. Let me know how it feels,” he instructed and Shepard wondered if that’s how he talked to his students: not harsh but it made you want to listen.

Shepard took the weapon with a smirk. “Yes, sir.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “Just shoot.”

Yeah, he was blushing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not planning for the next Mass Effect one to be until the 22nd, but we'll see because I'm really catching up to the ones I've finished writing. We'll see.  
> Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed.


End file.
